I started buying collars when I was single and interested in kink on my own, rather than with a partner. I grew quite the little collection of my own special collars, each one beautiful in it’s own way. I had never had a symbolic collar until the relationship with my Sir grew notably.
When my Sir ordered my collar, the wait for it to arrive was complete agony. Each day it was on my mind, every so often bubbling up from the back of my brain. I was not allowed to track the package myself, which only made things worse. When it first arrived, I don’t believe he even told me. If he had, it would’ve only made me more impatient. When I first laid eyes on the collar we chose, the emotions swelled in my throat and eyes. It was a strong, nearly overwhelming experience for me. My eyes traced the incisions in the delicate looking leather, focusing in on the sweet pink fabric revealed underneath. My gaze then reached the small, silver post that held the O-ring to the collar. I was in awe of the privilege to wear this symbol of my submission. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the dark leather collar, I just wanted to feel it on my skin as soon as I could. The first time he wrapped it around my neck and I felt the buckle against my skin was bliss. It felt so right, like it was meant to be there and I was missing it all my life. I couldn’t believe the feel of it, it was so soft yet firm. I had never had a collar of such luxury, it made me feel like a prized pet. Upon receiving the collar, my Sir and I didn’t have a collaring ceremony. But, knowing what I know now, we probably would not have had one anyway. When I think about having a collaring ceremony, my mind comes to the fact that I do not feel ready to have one yet. I say this because of the thoughts I have on myself as a submissive. I feel I am not whole yet. I feel I still have much work to do before I can become a great submissive to my Sir. I will admit, I am mentally ill. But that is nothing to be ashamed of, really. I am in therapy, and medicated both naturally and through nasty pills (I hate taking anti-depressants). I know that one day, with the help of my wonderful therapist and much effort on behalf of myself and my Sir, I can become not just a wonderful submissive but a well balanced person as a whole. Yes, I have a collar currently. I wear it nearly everyday, and it means the world to me. But I feel that this is only my first collar of my dynamic. Such as a training collar, this is the part of my partner and I’s relationship where we get to know our dynamic. Where we come together as two separate individuals and develop our own unique language, meanings, and roles. This part is so incredibly important to me. As I watch our dynamic begin to come together, different things falling into place over time, I imagine what it will be like when we are longer down the road together. But I can’t help and be grateful for everything I have with my Sir now. Thanks for reading! Have a different opinion than me? Do you do things another way? Want to discuss our perspectives? I’m glad to respond to respectful emails over at [email protected]! ~ Theia
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AuthorMy name is Theia, a non binary submissive with a growing passion for kink and BDSM. |